i m in love with joy. :)

2006-02-19T15:04:00.000+08:00

lonely valentine's day! haha.
but i am okay.

in the mood of love? maybe.
but i know i shouldnt be dating.
dun wanna hurt anyone either.

so just let me love my books now
and my dear bowling ball! yay!

2006-01-19T22:58:00.000+08:00

i hate that my hand is ijured.
i really hope that i can recover soon cos i dun wanna lose a chance to bowl this yr.
it is already my last possible year. sighs.
why must i hurt my hand in the 1st place? argh.
i hate this.

valentines day is coming.. maybe not so soon. but dun think i am gonna have a date for this year. last year's valentines day was not fantastic but at least i got to spend some of it with the person i wanted to spend with most.. sighs. but i am not of his concern anymore. haha. how sad.

but i will be strong.

2006-01-12T22:17:00.000+08:00

if a injured hand means more concern from you, i dun mind.

but of cos i wanna recover for bowling..

i can do it!

2006-01-10T09:57:00.000+08:00

jus came back from the chinese doc. hand still pain. sighs. hopefully it will be okay soon. wanna bowl soon but dun think i can make it there tml. sighs. he twisted my ankle too.hopefully that will be okay too. haha.
wad a bad encounter. but at least my lil finger is much better now!! wanna go back to playing piano. after so many years, i can finally play e piano well again!! YAY!!

shall jus slack the whole of today and it is back to slogging tml in school.. sighs!

hopefully cca fair will be a success! with bowling and geog soc getting lots of ppl. jiayou everyone!

2006-01-07T20:53:00.000+08:00

I went bowling this morning.. first time training after so many months. haha. was really bad. cant even slide properly though i like my new ball! freaking cool.. storm Xspin. comtemplating to use my good progress award now to buy a pair of new shoes. should i or should i not? sighs. why is bowling such an expensive sport?

Went to eat my fav chicken rice in e afternoon!! taste so yummy. hhaa. joy is getting fat. and ate a mac ice cream cone. (fat!!) went to see lights.. buying new lights for the house. was really tiring esp after traing.. we walked so long but bought nothing. how sad. but end up eating in sakae with my family! yea. was in j8. then i wanted to go find her, walked into the shop but didnt see her. haha. why no fate? but why do i even want to see her? to know how pretty she is? or to know why he chose her over me? it is all the past. nothing to know anymore. why am i still so persistent? maybe i jus want an another chance to talk to him again. i need a closure.

heard that she is sick during the hols. down with chicken pox. but dun really wanna care though feel like showing a lil concern. but dun wanna be treated with sacarsm for good intentions. it is not worth it.

jus drank a bottle of hoe garden. gonna get a beer belly from all these drinking man. hahah.

school started for a week already. can feel the stress. but i dun hate school, i look forward to it everyday. though i dun like hanging out alone, i can still fit in quite well i guess. jus hope everything will be better when all the s papers start.

joy can do it!!

self-love yea?! :)

2006-01-05T15:23:00.000+08:00

school is stressful

but i will be strong and conquer all rubbish!

hahha.

happy girl jus living her life

2006-01-02T19:48:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

my GOALS for 2006!

do well for A levels
do well for SMU
do well for bowling (make it onto 1st page)
do more volunteer work
make new friends and maintain old ones
stay happy
find a bf (haha!)
love myself

shall try my best to adhere to them!!

yea! new year new hopes!

it will be a good year.

i m sure!!

2005-12-27T02:34:00.000+08:00

i am a little jealous. i do not deny it.
i am jealous that why you are so popular with girls.
you definitely have your way with girls.
i think she likes you alot. she wants to be with you.
i know you are just my past.
how i hope i had grown up faster. treated you better and today will be different.
but i know we will not last.
but i just like to thank you for everything.
the beautiful memories. the first kiss.
thanks.
and farewell.

2005-12-27T01:56:00.000+08:00

i have worked one month odd in takashimaya. it has been a great learning experience for me. meeting new people, knowing stuff i never knew were behind the scenes of a departmental store. met really nice colleagues. very lame people. i will miss them. but it is time to move on.
time to go back to school.
christmas was okay. spending it with my colleagues. went for supper with cct. spending time with my family. i think that is what is important for christmas. a chance to get together and spend some quality time together. that is what i like doing best.
back to school. lots of homework untouched. but i will try my best to clear all the shit up before going back.
hope to meet people in school. but i will miss some ppl.

2005-12-16T23:05:00.000+08:00

i want attention but nothing is given to me. i desire that you will notice me more. but do you even realise my existance? who will i fall for? rather than myself?

what am i exactly looking for?
how can you notice me once more?

2005-12-16T22:59:00.000+08:00

Men See You As Choosy

Men notice you light years before you notice them
You take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be picky
You aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounter
It may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait

How Do Men See You?

2005-12-16T22:37:00.000+08:00

You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

2005-12-16T22:15:00.000+08:00

Your Heart Is Pink

In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't.
Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time.

Your flirting style: Coy

Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park

Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant

What you bring to relationships: Romance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

2005-11-27T23:59:00.000+08:00

happy girl
wishing for more
wishing for the clock to turn back
wishing for a christmas wish to come true
wishing for someone to be by my side
wishing for someone to understand me
wishing for happiness
wishing for joy
wishing for him to be joyful
wishing for everyone to be happy
wishing for the best ending

but is all possible?
i really wish for it this christmas

2005-11-25T23:19:00.000+08:00

cant take my eyes off you.

maybe u should never have messaged me. is it all one sided? i guess so. nothing will come out except for friendship. you didnt cheat me or what, i knew all along you had her already. i knew i was just a friend. but maybe i thought too much. or maybe i m already used to your presence. this is bad. i need to break out of this.

i dunno why. i was just thinking and thinking. i was feeling so terrible during work today but i dun even dare to message you cos i know i m nothing and she is your everything. haha. maybe i should go look for my own colours. cos you arent my kaleidoscope of colours. i will find mine soon.

i really appreaciate this friendship. but it will always be just a friendship. we had a past together, but this is just the past.
just like R and me.

it is over.

get over it, JOY!

:)

i am fine now. i know it.

2005-11-22T22:19:00.000+08:00

attachment
it has been really fun.
though i think my partner and i are really different people with really different opinions. he doesnt agree with me for almost everything. but it has been good to know him i guess.
hahah.
ending tml and that will be back to work.

2005-11-17T23:02:00.000+08:00

i am happier!
job is tiring but fulfilling. i really think the service industry is my calling now! :)
pay is bad and hours are long.. really need to find time to study too..

2005-11-12T00:10:00.000+08:00

it is not easy.
the pain still lingers on..

2005-11-11T23:32:00.000+08:00

i got a JOB!
a job that requires me to stand for 8 hours playing with money. i like it. pay is not bad. enough to earn for my bowling ball, birks, haircut, watch. ooooo.. joy is very happy now.
but she will need to sacrifice all her free time now. sighs.
i dunno how i am going for bowling training, have time with my family. sighs.
for the sake of money, i am gonna do all these.. sighs.
the power of money, i must admit, is a real strong one..
selling myself for money. ha

my mum is coming back later.. hope she brought lots of goodies back from china :))))
miss her soo much..

OP is over! yay!!!!! no more torturous PW lessons!

wooooo.. joy is getting real happy now! haha

2005-11-09T00:46:00.000+08:00

what the f*** is her problem?

2005-11-08T23:35:00.000+08:00

i can do it.
i will complete wad i set to do.

i dunno why i am so disturbed by ur last sentence u said to me.
maybe it is more than just the hurt it brought. but also a questioning of my actions. the disproval of the actions. i know what i am doing (or what i m perceived to be doing) seems wrong to you. but i will prove it. it is only an illusion created by her. the truth will triumph.

jus give me time. believe in me too.

2005-11-08T00:58:00.000+08:00

i dun understand. why do u trust her more than you trust me?
maybe cos i am not a trustworthy person at all i guess.
maybe i m jus not the perfect lil girl around that you can relate too.
i am sorry if i said anything that offended you.
but do put yourself in my shoes too.
i feel pain.
maybe i shouldnt care about you at all.

2005-11-07T00:25:00.000+08:00

I feel lousy. I am actually such a lousy boogle player. So what if I have conquered the offline version? Playing against all the good players online, I am just so insignificant and pathetic in comparison. If I don't get a zero, I am already very happy. This is how pathetic it is. *sighs
need to buck up lots!

On friday, when i was shopping with my sis, i met senghean, desmond, zhiwei at PS. I think they were really confused whether my sis is my sis or my mum. haha. cant imagine if jie is my mum. so she would have given birth to me when she was just 5yrs old. AMAZING huh! But i think she is a lil upset that she is mistaken to be my mum. poor sis! but i still love you lots. so dun worry! :)

I am still proud of my membership of the SH club. there is nothing wrong with being single. and i dun see why people should discriminate against single people. no matter for what reason they choose to remain single, we should respect their choice of life and not interfere. who has the right to say he is right to interfere with others? allow people to live the way they choose. no matter whether it is to be a gay or lesbian. unless they do something to hurt others, they are in no wrong at all. so society should stop discriminating against singles. why should there be even a need for SDU to brainwash people to get married? blah. we should have the right to choose and i will definitely exercise my right to choose. i dun need people to tell me how to live my life.

i think i should start mugging already. sighs. lets all work hard for OP 1st! jiayou everyone!

2005-11-05T23:18:00.000+08:00

i just recruited more members into the SH club! haha.
my new proud members are crys, lucia, yoshi, xinhui, kezia.
welcome to the club!! :))))
we are gonna be real happy ppl man! haha!

went ubin cycling with all of them today. really miss them lots. thought i dun really miss np that much. really hope to see them more often. got to see ms ng too. she looks jus the same. haha. although all of us has moved on since then, we havent change much. and i do really treasure these friendships! i love you all :))

i got a new badminton racket! happy badminton time tml!

still need to save lots of money. really broke. sighs.

time for cheesecakes now! :)

joy is a simple happy gal now.

2005-10-31T10:43:00.000+08:00

HAHAHA

poor guy.

darn. cant donate blood today, bloodbank is closed for the day! but need to find a job asap. i need to stop bumming around. bums should be used for a better cause! rite?? HAHA

2005-10-28T00:40:00.000+08:00

i got my 1st diamond studs! though it is only 0.16 carets, i think it is really pretty and shimmering. haha. i love my pair of studs! bought it from tianpo. after walking like so many shops. my mum say it was a gd buy. haha. i dun know much abt diamond except that i like them. and my sis also bought a pair of dangling earrings. so we are now working towards the tianpo discount card. just short of 100 now..if anyone got any receipts, can gimme!

my mum is leaving singapore tml. blahx. gonna miss her lots. but yay! lots of freedom now. but even with her around, i got lots of freedom too. so not gonna make a big diff now. i now need to earn money for my bowling ball. cant except her to pay esp she got me my studs. :)

went to school at 8 today. went for the s-paper briefing too. i am being offered geog, econs, maths s-papers. i dunno which one to take. i dunno whether i should try the SMU program or not. it is extremely tempting, esp cos i am interested in econs. but it will be too taxing and i dun think i can handle 2 s-papers, the SMU thing and geog project. this will just kill me. and i dun wish to die this way at all. haha. i still got time to decide. hopefully i will make the correct choice.

moooo... bought smth for mingze and oliver though didnt manage to buy them any food. ahhh.. cant dun give anything too. hopefully can find smth nice tml morning for them.

think i shld go sleep now. since somebody is trying to irritate me online..

2005-10-26T22:45:00.000+08:00

i feel happy for her. doesnt matter who she is. but at least, she managed to find back what she thought she had lost. after one big round, they are back together. maybe right from the beginning, they were meant to be. i feel happy for them.

but i think i feel happy for myself too. at least i know what is meant to be and what is not meant to be. you gave up, yet at some point, you gave false hope. but i learnt to realise that no matter how hard i try, nothing will be the same again. the past is the past. i m moving on well. very happy being single, very happy being a member of SH club. i am not desperate and not looking for a relationships. i am just very happy with all my gd friends with me.

yea! shall pon sch tml!

2005-10-26T22:29:00.000+08:00

took it from darren's blog.

WOULD YOU RATHER:
1. Pierce your nose, or tongue? Nose.
2. Be serious, or be funny? Funny.
3. Wear boxers, or briefs? i dun wear them.
4. Drink whole, or skimmed milk? skimmed.
5. Be single, or taken? Taken.
6. Be simple, or complicated? Simple.

DO YOU PREFER:
7. Flowers, or angels? Angels.
8. Grey, or gray? Grey.
9. Colour, or black and white photos? Colour.
10. M&Ms, or Skittles? M&Ms.
11. Staying up late, or waking up early? Staying up late.
12. Calling it "pop", or "soda"? Soda.
13. Using "X"s, or "O"s in Tic-Tac-Toe? X.
14. Water, or pop/soda? Water.
15. Do you have a crush? No.
16. Being hot, or cold? Cold.
17. Tall, or short boyfriend/girlfriend? doesnt matter.
18. Sun, or moon? Moon.
19. Emeralds, or rubies? diamonds. :)
20. Left, or right? right.
21. Sun, or rain? Sun.
22. Vanilla, or chocolate ice cream? Vanilla.
23. Boys or girls? Me.
24. Green beans, or carrots? Neither.
25. Low-fat, or fat-free? Both.
26. Croutons, or bacon bits? Bacon bits.
27. Two, or four doors on a car? Two.
28. Mr Pibb, or Dr Pepper? Coke Light Lemon.

MISCELLANEOUS:
27. What is your biggest fear in the world? Losing the one you love.
28. Kids, or no kids? depends.
29. Cats, or dogs? Dogs.
30. Half-empty, or half-full? Half-empty.
31. Mustard, or ketchup? Ketchup.
32. Hard-cover books, or soft-cover books? Soft-cover.
33. Newspapers, or magazines? Magazines.
34. Sandals, or sneakers? Sneakers.
35. Wonder, or amazement? Amazement.
36. Red, or white car? Red.
37. Happy and poor, or sad and rich? Happy and poor.
38. Singing, or dancing? with good company, both are gd.
39. Hugging, or kissing? love.
40. Corduroy, or plaid? ??
41. Happy, or sad? Happy.
42. Purple, or green? Purple.
43. Blondes, brunettes, or redheads? Me.
44. Full name? Feng Wanyi Joy
45. Parents' names? FEM, FMC
46. Birthdate? Aug 1, 1988.
47. Born? Singapore.
48. Numbers, ages and names of siblings? Clara is 23 and Alicia is 26.

HAVE YOU EVER:
49. Had the drink, Calypso Breeze? Nope.
50. Been in love? Always.
51. Been toilet-papering? No.
52. Ever loved someone so much it made you cry? Yes.

FUTURE:
53. What kind of job do you want? to fulfil my dream.
54. Do you want to get married? if I can find the One.

PEOPLE:
55. Who makes you laugh the most? Joy!
56. Who is the shyest? depends.
57. Who is the most outgoing? Joy!
58. Who knows the most about you? depends. different people know different things of me.

FAVOURITES:
59. Song at the moment? Unbelievable by Kaci Brown.
60. Colour? Orange.
61. Country song? None.

FRIENDS:
62. Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest? Wj. she is in uk.
63. Are you in a gang, club or some kind of group? SH club. :)

WHO/WHAT DO THESE MAKE YOU THINK OF?
64. Rock? Geography.
65. Green? Grass.
66. Crying? Babies.
67. Peanut butter? Bread.
68. Spring? Oscillations.
69. Summer? Sun.

2005-10-25T11:03:00.000+08:00

wtf

2005-10-24T23:55:00.000+08:00

i m so freaking irritated.
can everyone learn to have manners and be more considerate?
the world does not spin for you.
stop living in your pathetic narrow world.

2005-10-22T13:55:00.000+08:00

i saw that bottle at taka.
it looked so familiar yet so distant.
i still remember that was my 15th birthday present from claire and xiuyi back then. it was such a cute cow bottle and it started the whole cow thingy among us. and how it got stolen when i left my bag outside the library.
the cow on the bottle is still the same. i thought i will never see that bottle again. but when i saw it on friday, i had the temptation to buy the bottle. cos it contained so many memories and it meant so much to me.
i remembered how u promised to buy that bottle for me when i lost it. u never kept your promise though.
but so wad if i got the same bottle again? it will never be the same even though it still look the same. time is gone. people have changed.
and there is already a closure to this chapter of my life.
it will just be something living my memory.

2005-10-18T10:40:00.000+08:00

join the SH Club! Single and Happy. dun join the Lonely Bowlers' Club. should jus leave kenneth alone so he will continue to be lonely. "lonely.. im so lonely.." hahaha. and he owes me $$$! O$P$!!

haha. relatively still a good week. jus that my internet is down, openhouse is coming and lot of stuff to do project work. so now in the comp lab supposedly doing pw. but haha. joy is a lazy bum. slacking away now cos the rest are getting back their chem paper and i got nothing to do. getting back geog later. really hope not to fail.

got back gp, econs and maths alr. haha. i think should be able to take s papers if i dun screw up the rest. yay! at least i didnt study for nothing though i think i still studied very lil compared to the ultra muggers in our class.

can heard my tummy rummbling away now.. i need food!!!!

2005-10-12T00:10:00.000+08:00

I was born to love you
-Queen

I was born to love you
With every single beat of my heart
Yes, I was born to take care of you, ha
Every single day...
Alright, hey hey

I was born to love you
With every single beat of my heart
Yes, I was born to take care of you
Every single day of my life

You are the one for me
I am the man for you
You we're made for me
You're my ecstasy
If I was given every opportunity
I'd kill for your love

So take a chance with me
Let me romance with you
I'm caught in a dream
And my dream's come true
So hard to believe
This is happening to me
An amazing feeling
Comin' through -

I was born to love you
With every single beat of my heart
Yes, I was born to take care of you, honey
Every single day of my life

I wanna love you
I love every little thing about you
I wanna love you, love you, love you
Born - to love you
Born - to love you
Yes I was born to love you
Born - to love you
Born - to love you
Every single day - day of my life
Woh

An amazing feeling
Comin' through

I was born to love you
With every single beat of my heart
Yeah, I was born to take care of you
Every single day of my life
Yeah I was born to love you
Every single day of my life

Go, woh, I love you babe, hey
Born to love you
Yes, I was born to love you hey
I wanna love you, love you, love you
I wanna love you
Yeah yeah
Ha ha ha ha ha it's magic
What ha ha ha
I get so lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, yeah
I want to love you
It's magic
Love you, love you
Yeah, give it to me

2005-10-11T23:32:00.000+08:00

will you be the one there when i need somebody by my side?

today was FOS or wad mh calls it "full of shit" it was really boring. so i left early with kezia xh and the rest to go back to st nix. met low iq there.. til now, i still dunno her actual name. realised that she is quite a gd teacher, she knows wad she is doing and she doesnt despise those weaker students but to believe in them. and she is pregnant too. she said something like this, "to be not born smart is not your choice, but to waste your life and not reach your ultimate potential is wrong" life isnt jus about fame, money, status but most importantly, it is to feel happy deep down. not anything superficial. not anything that is material comfort. it is to lead a fulfilling life and to bring out your potential. that is wad life should be. i really hope that i could lead such a standard. i m still stucked here, without an aim or a goal. i know i got alot more to show. i m still young. i got alot more to do. alot more to prove. so wad if i screw up my studies? is that the best measure of my ability? who knows? one day i will own my chain of toiletries shops. with sheer determination, i will be able to do it. so believe in me. have faith in me.

spent my whole afternoon watching pride. it is nice. but i cant stand such love stories. they are too perfect. guy meets girl, guy like girl and girl like guy. but some obstacle in between of them. after many years, guy meets girl again and tells her he still love her. haha. am i being too skeptical or wad but i think there isnt such stories around. or i havent been able to have the honour of going through such a one. at that point of time, i realli hoped that you were the one. but i came to realise that i m too naive. you were too complicated for me. but you still live in my heart. no matter wad, you will still be this part of me. my past and never my present. i feel happy for all the ppl who found love. but issit loving someone is to learn how to let go too? i jus hope everyone will be happy.

i have my own struggles. but they seem too insignificant to others' problems. so wad if i m single, alone? doesnt mean i m not happy. doesnt mean i cant find happiness. i will find it someday somehow.

2005-10-09T00:04:00.000+08:00

i want to learn to stand alone. this is what i should be doing and not be dwelling in the past anymore. some pple are lucky, they get what they want and even to get more than wad they ask for. but i dun ask for anything. i jus wanna live life the way i want. i m contented for everything. i dun ask for more. just wad is meant to happen will happen, i wont attempt to change it anymore.

i m looking for a job now so i can learn to be more financially independent. but i cant find a suitable job. ahhhh.. i dun wanna waste time anymore. i need a job to kick out of this boredom. but cant deny that shopping is damn fun too. lolz. saw this pretty charm braclet at leehwa today, it is like $250 after discount. cant deny that i m quite tempted but maybe shall save up for my watch, birkenstock and dunnk instead. wahhh. why am i so poor?

i dun wanna go back to school. i dun wanna go back to training. i dun even wanna bowl anymore. i dunno why. am i just demoralised? or i am jus totally giving up on the sport. i dun wanna give up but it jus seems so pointless. will it end up like basketball to me? what do i even wanna achieve in life? what is my aim? what is my goal? will i be happier with it or without it? someone pls enlighten me.

lost kid.

2005-10-08T23:55:00.000+08:00

unbelievable -kaci brown

I wish you didnt love me
I wish youd make this easy
It was love that caught me
Now its fear that keeps me with you
I wanna be by your side
So i can close my eyes
To lock all the emptyness inside
That kills me when im with you

You try break me, try to hate me
so you can fall out of love
you wanna make me
Believe that im crazy
that im nothing without you

Its unbelieveable but i believed you
Its unforgivable but i forgave you
and say what love can do
That keeps me coming back to you
Irreplacable but i replaced you
Now im standing on my own
Alone...

I feel you in my shadow
My heart feels cold and hollow
No matter where i write i see
Your eyes always follow me

you try to hold me try to own me
keeping somthing thats not yours
you wanna make me believe that im crazy
Make me think that your the cure

Its unbelieveable but i believed you
Unforgivable but i forgave you
And say what love can do
That keeps me coming back to you
Irreplacable but i replaced you
Now im standing on my own
Alone...

your still haunting me in my sleep
Your all i see but i cant go back
cuz i know its wrong for us to go on
And im going strong to confront my fears

OOoooooooooooooOO

Its unbelieveable but i believed you
Unforgivable but i forgave you
and say what love can do
That keeps me coming back to you
Irreplacable but i replaced you
Now im standing on my own
Alone...

2005-10-06T23:21:00.000+08:00

it is good to keep oneself busy. u stop thinking of the stuff u shouldnt think about. u see life more positively. maybe still without an aim. but happier i guess.

i still think of you. i dunno why. but am i jus like nothing to you? haha.

i jus hope to be myself ie. JOYFUL! :)

2005-10-05T12:28:00.000+08:00

one more day.
i will survive it!

2005-09-28T12:03:00.000+08:00

i am so sick of studying.
my life is so lifeless.
ha.
i failed to be a mugger.
i m a stoning still wanna be mugger.
2days later, i will meet my doom.
ha.
how dead i will be.

still lil tingling pain.
i almost cried the other day when i heard a song.
too emotional for my own good i guess.
i m still struggling.
i thought i was over it alr.
but guess i am wrong again.
someone save me.
urgh.

2005-09-24T12:24:00.000+08:00

another unexpected situation.
i shouldnt have come online, i should have just continue to study.
i saw some stuff i never wanted to see.
even it happened, i dun ever wanna know it happened.
confused now. wad am i doing all over again???
argh.

ignorance is bliss.

2005-09-11T09:33:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a happy day.

no i didnt use any red cars or yellow one to determine whether i was happy or not. some unhappy stuff did happen but let it pass cos even i broad over it, it wont change either. i guess i always lose in a power struggle. haha. but lets not talk abt it.

MAF was great! not the program rox or wad. the lighting was quite nice. like the star in the middle though i think the last star failed to light up. but it was like a reunion of 67ers. :) most of the 1st intakers came back. still had a heart to heart talk with vann whom i last saw a few months ago. bought her a big big balloon as her birthday present from the money snatching alice (jus kiddin') it was great to see them cos i really miss them. if they could have stayed.. sighs. but never mind. still really happy to see them. and minshin bullied me. she deprived me of my balloon cos vann bought shermeen a balloon and not me! but sher was so nice to buy me one too.. hahha. we were all happy lil gers with balloons in hand. guess it is fun being child- like (not childish) once in a while. lolx.

went bk orchard after MAF ended. shared a mocha frapuccino(?) with sher. those sinful yet delicious calories. hahha. then ended my day on a relatively high note.

heard there was a squad dinner but ended up to be a miscommunication. haha. so i didnt go either.

and i dun ever wanna run after dinner again. those crazy ppl.. maybe jus that weishan and my legs are too short for our own good. but dinner was good. haha. joy is such a pig.

some ppl feel that past is better than the present. are they not able to put the past down and accept the present or issit that the past is indeed better than the present. it is a difficult decision. but if i were to choose between the past and the present, i m sure to choose the present. or am i really that sure?

2005-09-10T13:37:00.000+08:00

hao ma bu chi hui tou cao
"good horse no eat behind grass"

haha. i really agree this statement. not gonna look back again. and i m utterly disgusted too.

2005-09-09T17:52:00.000+08:00

immature behaviour.

am i really that immature for my age or are there worse ppl out there? wad is expected of me at this age? to behave mature? what exactly issit? if some people only know how to blame the whole world except themselves, will that be considered as immaturity? then i bet alot ppl out there are very much immature. or maybe that is what i am.

i try to act mature when the situation requires me to do so. what am i really matured by behaving maturely? there are also people out there who acts childish but hey.. they are much more matured than some ppl. so what is realli the sign of maturity?

haha. i think i am thinking too much. but i really ponder. haha. i guess i should be using this strength to study hard instead. sighs. mugging sux.

2005-09-06T23:47:00.000+08:00

wallowing in self pity is bad.

2005-09-04T22:09:00.000+08:00

i love tiramisu. and i jus had a real sinful one from tiramisutra. it was real gd. better than tcc's one. but it is much more expensive too. and i down it with a victoria beer. haha. but i m not drunk yet. i dun get drunk easily. i think i only got drunk once. after like 3 bloody cups of whisky which didnt taste good at all.

but i still like wine. beer has too much gas. it makes me burp non stop. and it is really loud too. so i like wine. volka is fine too. but too bad i m not 18 yet. cant buy my own liquor yet but what are friends for? haha. i remember sitting in serangoon gardens jus drinking away for a few times already. maybe shall ask them out soon again. yay!

but i have to wait until my exams are over. but poly students are having holidays now. darn. why are the timings always so screwed up? hope to see them soon. but i need to stay home to mug too. sighs.

and bowling is finally having our handover. i think we are the latest cca to do so. so going andrew's house before MAF on saturday. haha. wonder who will be our next captain..

2005-09-03T12:47:00.000+08:00

the start of holidays.
the start of MUG WEEK! :)

i will mug hard. have no regrets even i dun get my s papers.
i know i can do it. cos impossible is nothing.

2005-08-31T12:56:00.000+08:00

happy teacher's day!

i went to school today. quite proud of myself for doing so. better still, i stayed throughout the whole celebration. haha. but the performances were quite good. the teachers' "surprise" performance was so damn corny. but who can deny that tengara isnt chio? jus ask any class guy. haha. i think ms lum is quite cute too. for the 1st time, i saw her dressing up so well. but she is very nice though so mean to make me go for pe every week. she remembers my name too. maybe "joy" is jus such a nice name. lol.

shared a cab with crys, xinhui and kezia. havent spoken much to them for a long time so it was a nice bonding session. i realised that my class culture is so different from theirs. but we have lamers like frederick, dickson (who is scared of fruits) to brighten and freak all the teachers. i guess they are the worst nightmare of any teacher. but that makes 67 unique and lil notorious i guess. haha.

back to st nicks, i didnt eat orange bowl. haha. just a few days ago, i thought i really missed st nicks food and hc food is realli pale in comparison. but i realised that it is more than the food, maybe it was because of peer influence that i liked orange bowl or didnt mind it. indeed, hc food sux. but doesnt mean i really miss sn food. i think anytime i would enjoy like nydc more? maybe it is the feelings behind that bowl that keep us craving for more. at the end of the day, the bond between ppl is so much more significant compared to material comfort.

i met all my justice frens! maybe not all, but majority. i finally saw my cousin.. after so many months, but i dun really miss her too but i think she is hot. and i know she is hot in nj too judging from the stuff i hear abt her. we went to look for our teachers.. gan was so popular that we never had a chance to talk to him. mrs sherwood agreed with me that alevel geog is really bad and the theories are not even proven yet but we have to know them. but i will work hard to do well for geog cos i like geog alot. haha. then we saw ms nair (mrs sree), she is still so chio. all of us were laughing at her, telling her that when we come back next yr, we hope to see her tummy growing. haha. all of us were complaining abt promos coming, and she said that i will be able to catch up at the last moment. haha. jus like sec sch, i really never gotten below 10pts for my l1r5 before until prelims where i got a 7. it shocked everyone including myself cos i never knew it was attainable. but i think this time round is a total different story. i dun think i will be able to make any miracles happen. but i will still try :)

to you: actually i think that she is quite a good friend to have, but liking her is really a total different story. dun make such scarifices cos it will not be worth it. she is not worthy of you too. i believe that you will be able to find someone better for yourself. dun remain status quo, move on and look at what the future can offer you. i bet you will be happier. take care and study care.

growing up.

2005-08-30T21:46:00.000+08:00

joy is growing up.

she is no longer the little kid who doesnt need to face up to reality, whose world jus surround fun and joy, living without any worries. or maybe her worries were so minimal, or maybe she fussed about having nothing to worry. that was when she was 6. her birthday was a blast. she had macdonalds coming in to celebrate her birthday. till this day, she still remember eating macnuggets, playing silly yet fun game with her classmates in kindergarten. she was happy. young innocent and happy. she smiled alot and her dimples showed it all.

11 years down the road, she is still joy. but she has changed so much. for the better or worse? i dun know. she has learnt the ways of life, through both the hard ways and not-so-hard ways. she fell, tumbled, cried, picked up herself along the way. she never meant to give up but sometimes the going gets too tough and she breaks down. but at the end, she tries, no matter how difficult it is, to overcome all odds to learn to be a stronger person.

she is growing up. she is changing. she has aspirations and she knows it is possible to reach for them. it is up to her to decide her own fate. she will not conform to conventions. she will not let other people stop her. cos she knows what she wants, and dreams are something others can never take away.

joy isnt perfect. but she is learning to be good. joy will never be perfect. jus like anyone else. but she is learn to correct her flaws and allow others to embrace her strengths. she will be better and stronger.

she apologises for all the damage she has already caused. she never meant to hurt others but she was a confused blind person. that is still no excuse for her wrongdoings. but it is time to move on. humans cant live in the past too. they live in the present for the future. joy will definitely strive to stop making mistakes as they will hurt others unnecessarily.

joy will be able to do it. cos she is growing up and maturing too. have faith in her. dun give up on her too. it will be a painful long journey but she will survive cos i know i can.

and i still love joy lots :)

2005-08-29T17:29:00.000+08:00

i jus deleted yesterday's entry.

i got over it already. it shouldnt bother me anymore. i think joy really takes alot of time to be able to put down relationships. i dunno that is good or bad. but now, i think it matters more than we are still friends. at least to have a friend is better than to have a foe? haha. but it doesnt mean i think that what you are doing now is right too. but never mind, it boils down to you making your own choice.

i dun realli like my hair. it is difficult to style. ahhhhhh.. or maybe it is the wax. but i dun have any money left. ok.. i got 40cents in my wallet now. does that count? i cant even buy 1% of the bottle of wax. so it is joy and her bad hair days now.. haha.

i shall start studying. math test is coming and i m so bloody ddead. dun even understand curves yet. sighs. i dun wanna fail. today's geog test sux. i didnt even study la.. during break, i was sleeping like a pig at the class bench where aik,desmond and honghong was mugging away... then during the test, i was stoning at the paper where honghong jus seem to cant stop writing. i m so dead. maybe i shall have studied last night. but was lil too sad to think of studying.

but now, shall play a game of boogle, read the papers and start my mugging session after dinner. haha. i m an aspiring mugger. and i hope to be one. :)

2005-08-28T10:54:00.000+08:00

i keep having dreams these days.

they are so painful cos it will never be true again.

2005-08-27T19:38:00.000+08:00

my left ear hurts. lil bleeding now. sighs. maybe my ears cant wear silver. bought my 1st pair of earrings today! haha. jiaying and chewyee chose it for me. but i think white gold is still safer for my ears.. dun wanna risk an infection too.

very tired today. long long day. cut my hair today. i like my hair now. haha. bought new cheap wax for it too. very tempted to get loreal clay or sabastian clay but it is like 40plus. sighs. joy is so poor.

blahz. dun feel like blogging anymore. shall play a FEW games of boogle 1st b4 i study. haha

2005-08-26T22:28:00.000+08:00

i found a lil motivation today :)
you brought me motivation to work harder towards promos. thanks alot. haha. esp since everyone is working so damn hard too, joy should work very very very hard too. yay! joy is on studying mood. no more boggle mood. joy shall not play boggle frequently anymore cos she needs to study!! :)

haha.. dunno why i am feeling excited about studying now.. jus look at e books, dun u jus wanna hug them to sleep cos they are so precious. esp john sloman. hahahhahah. i think i sound too perverted. but i will work hard. for my econ s paper. i jus want one cos i like econ and i know 2 will kill me too. so mug mug mug. and even monghun is mugging so hard these day. i must buck up too!

had bowling today. totally sux big big time. even sheena could bowl better than me. wahhhhhh. realli need to train harder. still not used to the equator hook thing. but david is so much better than paul. at least he speaks properly and clearly. but training is so expensive now. each time is like 10dollars. sighs. still need to buy my ball. sighs again. haha. but shaojie is bowling so well now.. and he is glowing with LOVE. hahaha. maybe that is the magic of love and at least he found his game back. was chatting with klo on the way home, until i forgot to call my mum to come and pick us up. then i started panicking and somemore starhub's reception was so poor in the mrt that i had to use his phone to call my mum. haha. but at least managed to get my mum to fetch us in the end. but was damn lame la. and he was telling me abt tuition jobs.. maybe i should get one too and earn money for my bowling bag. since i m doing such a gd job teaching my dear dear dear chewyee

gonna have a long day tml. going gym and bowling with my mum, gonna to cut my hair (finally!), gonna teach chewyee, gonna buy present, gonna meet jiaying for dinner, gonna study! wad a busy day again. but need to mug 1st.

i m an aspiring mugger! :)

2005-08-25T23:06:00.000+08:00

my motivation is gone again. i had such a hard time finding it but now it is gone again. sighs. come back to me, motivation! i need u badly.

2005-08-24T23:12:00.000+08:00

to say it explicitly, i m irritated.

i have been realli trying hard to hold it back for a damn long time. i cant take it anymore. so wad u put in effort? it doesnt realli matter at all if other ppl dun do their work or jus do it so damn shabbily, until there is no damn difference whether u did it or not. a damn waste of time.

hello? IT IS NOT MY PROJECT. or i would say, it is SUPPOSEDLY OUR PROJECT. hahaha. do the guys care? or so wad if u r tired? so am i.. everyone is tired yet we do push ourselves to go on to complete wad is expected of us. and not sit there and say i m tired pushing all the work to others. or so am i supposed to complete the whole damn project on my own now like it is mine and only mine? fuck.

i m so damn bloody irritated that i dun feel like completing anything now. but i will do it cos it is my responsibility. but i m definitely not happy.

2005-08-24T17:31:00.000+08:00

i love school.
i love my books.
i love my notes.
i love to mug.

mugging time is here but i m still slacking online typing this. darn.
haha. but realli enjoying sch now with such nice, lame, funny classmates, ccamates, schoolmates.
they make me happy. hha.

why do u exactly treat me as?

2005-08-23T22:04:00.000+08:00

i ponned school today with my dear dear dear liying. haha.
we had breakfast at serene macs. and we tried realli hard to study but we both failed miserably. but we had like 5cups of coffee/tea. hhaa. so both of us ended up going to toilet at least 3times. and liying vomitted due to the excess coffee. she is so bloody fit now. i seem like a fat fat pig next to her la. sighs. but after our failed attempt to study, we decided to go marina square cos liying needed to buy smth from there. actuallie i wanted to go back for phy lec one.. but liying was pyscho-ing me till i gave up. so went with her there. shopped around, though nothing much to buy, esp when ur wallet has only coins. sighs.
but we went to candy empire!!!! so full of candies, chocs and WONKA chocs. haha. but they ran out of stock of wonka bars or not i will have bought one. hahha. i bought my fav daim chocs. and it was still on offer, 2 for e price of 1. so happily ate my chocs throughout the day. and i introduced choc coffee beans to liying. and she felt that the crunchiness of e coffee beans were like eating fried insects. but i miss those lil coffee beans. rem buying like crazy the other time i was in melbourne. realli hope to go back to melbourne now. hopefully next yr. haha

after that, went for bc tuition. was damn fun. all gers table, gossiping, talking rot., eating.. but i miss my last yr's class too. ppl like xueling, kel, ben.. and not forgotting the ultra disgusting few of the class too. haha. it was realli fun too. but too bad, never managed to keep in contact with any. except the ppl i dun realli wish to talk to.

but my day was good. with my daim chocs! :) i m a lil happy ger, so easily contented too. haha.
damn. tml will be back in school. but it will still be gd. rite.

2005-08-22T18:03:00.000+08:00

pe makes ppl tired. but pe was fun today. we were playing touch rubgy. and it is my 1st time goin for pe in ages. have been ponning at least for...i cant count. ok.. lets put it in this way, i went abt once per term? haha. obviously my group lost but it is was still fun and damn lame.

i dunno why my class is trying to be fit now or wad, before pe, instead of eating, they decided to play basketball. but minshin, dawn, yinghong and i thought eating was more important than bball so we went to eat our fish burger 1st.. haha. but i play lil bball and i realised that i still havent forgotten how to play it and i do miss the game lots. sighs. but i cant possibly join back bball now and train. it will be damn weird. life is jus full of regrets. and maybel still owes me my red shorts! bet she forgot abt it alr.. and i dun get to see her around often too.

hongli was so cute today. she messaged me to ask me whether i m alrite or not cos i looked very sad during tuition yesterday. yup, i m okae. and happier too cos i know that alot of ppl still cares abt me. it is not as bad as i think. no love no relationship. so wad? doesnt mean you cant be happy. and i detest (or jus dun think highly) of the ppl who gets into relationship for the sake for being in a relationship. they are most prob (a)in love with the idea of having relationship and not realli the person (b)have too much love to share (c)they are too insecure to be on their own. come on.. like u cant survive w/o a guy/girl? there is realli so much more to life than relationships. ~~pathetic beings.~~ haha.

i saw nicholas on 74 today. and it was so bloody awkward. i didnt want to talk to him, neither did i want to look at him but the stupid part he was sitting facing me. so it was realli realli bad.. so i end up giving him a super weak smile before i kept staring out of the window. he reminds me so much abt when i was younger. haha. still in sec sch. and i was still tutoring shurong then. it all seems so weird. haha.

but my day was good. and i crave for more orange juice!

2005-08-21T21:30:00.000+08:00

i wanted to scream. i wanted to shout. but i didnt do so cos it is not wise of me to do so. with deep breathing and some mental strength, i managed to remove the anger within me and realise it is not worth fighting with some ppl over some stuff. cos they will never be able to see in my viewpoint. are they too narrow-minded or they believe in themselves too much? i dunno. but at least i know wad i m doing, though i dunno whether it is correct or wrong. i do know how the other person feels but does the person also understand me in the same way? or issit jus being emotional to certain issues stopping the rational thinking?

i was disappointed. very disappointed when i didnt see the watch on the hand. how much do i mean to you or how much do the watch mean to you? most probably nothing. i dun care how u realli treat or think of me, but dun discriminate the watch cos it is innocent. it has done nothing to offend you, it is the giver, not the watch. do wear it. dun waste it. realli do hope to see you wearing it. but i think u will never wear it again. i realli hope i could be proven wrong. right away. sighs.

i know why i dun have a bag now. i was thinking during tuition today. because somebody promised to buy for me last yr. but i never got to receive the bag. tt's why i m now shopping for the bag myself though i cant find anything realli suitable. but i guess some promises are meant to be broken or even never before been treated seriously. sighs. maybe it is my fault.. but issit only one person's fault when a relationship fails? i think it is very debatable. but i think i shall just move on now.

cos it is no use dwelling on the past.

so abt the present now..
went keppel with my family today. played pool with my sister. and i never knew she was so zai until today. she thrashed me in 2 games before i managed to recover. hhaha. but it was fun and cheap. it was only 2dollars per hour. and i feel so damn physically weak. running on the treadmill almost killed me, i dunno why but was feeling damn damn cold as i was running. was a realli terrible feeling. but i felt better after my dimsum lunch. damn good la. though it wasnt cheap. (i think i still owe someone a dimsum treat but think it doesnt matter anymore again)

had a relatively gd day. shall go back to study now.

so proud of myself. i think i studied alot this weekend. though still very very lil compared to the rest of e ppl in my class. i shall continue to jiayou now! :)

2005-08-19T20:42:00.000+08:00

i feel better today.
maybe cos more people care about me?
or maybe i have been stuffing myself with lots of food.
i dunno.

went shopping for a bag with monghun today but obviously failed again.
but think there is 2 puma bags that i will consider. not too expensive i guess.
but i dunno whether i like it or not.

and i need a goal. not as simple as setting up a goal post and scoring one (thanks, delfine though)
i want something that i can look forward to and work towards it.
and i shall make that my promos for now.
no more slacking.

2005-08-18T16:56:00.000+08:00

i dun feel good.
i feel anger towards the world.
i feel like that nobody cares whether i m dead or alive.
i feel stupid.
i feel sad.

issit all jus a feeling or issit the truth?
i dunno. sighs.

2005-08-16T22:47:00.000+08:00

oh no.. another person is attached.
sooner or later, it will jus be me alone single..
haha.

2005-08-16T12:05:00.000+08:00

why do i always read and see stuff that i shoudnt know? maybe it is just a sign that i should know.. life is about omens and signs. isnt it? haha. but i m quite ok after seeing it cos it is quite expected. no hurt no pain. cos maybe there are even more stuff more painful than this to me..

alot of hwk untouched. but got a math test tml worth 5% of the final grade. if i wan my math s, i need to do well. but i havent been listening in class at all. and i still got tuition tonight. and i havent even started on my EOM which was due like last week? so no time to practise math tonight. jus gonna fail again. sighs. but i dun think i can do anything much too.

saw this bowling bag on ebay last night. it is only $20!!! in singapore, it will cost like 100plus? but shipping cost is damn ex so most prob gonna get the bowling team to get it together so we can all have the same bag and to abandon their ashworth. haha. and if it is so cheap, i can get my shoes too. yay! this way, i got money to buy a new sch bag too. it is boils down to hopefully.

think my blog is getting lil boring, talking abt bowling almost every other day. shall blog abt something else next time. haha. now still need to go for some freaking boring physics lecture.. sux. and i got a phobia of physics now especially after the stupid incident.

2005-08-15T22:13:00.000+08:00

today was a long long day.

had econs timed assignment early in the morning.. i thought the airplane qn was gonna come out and the monopoly was far far too easy.. so i didnt study for the monopoly. and guess wad? the monopoly one came out! and i didnt know how to write cos i didnt even write a decent essay plan for it. ahhhhh... but i think i wasnt that bad. dawn was next to me and even struggling to write one page so i let her copy my diagrams. dun wish to fail this man.. but hongli was saying if that qn came out, she is gonna jump off tanah merah hill. haha. i think she cld be dead now.. jus kidding. bu she de see her die. cos she still need to teach me alot of stuff!

then managed to explain the cheating incident to mrs tan. and she accepted my reason. so most prob i wont be getting a T. but she still need to talk to thomas 1st. so realli hoping for the best now. *prays hard*

skipped pe to go do my interview. was quite sucky but at least i finally completed it. yay!

so after that, my mum dropped me at the mrt station to take train to town to meet chewyee. my so-called PB partner. HAHA. but i still love her lots. since the day i saw her in kindergarten. HAHA. wonder wad will spread now.. but we ate dinner together and we watched the premiere of valiant. hhaa. it is not bad for a cartoon.. but lil draggy in the beginning..

went shopping with her after the movie. saw this damn chio new nike bag and it is like 68 bucks. so bloody tempted to get it. but i am so broke cos i need to save up for my ball. sighs.

wanted to buy a present for a friend. but didnt manage to find anything nice. talking abt presents.. i dun mind paying alot for a present. of cos within my financial constraints, but the point that if i buy the present, will the person appreaciate it or not. if the person is thankful for it and like the present alot, i believe the money is well spent. but if the person dun appreaciate the person, and jus dump it in one corner. i believe that the money is better off given to charity. pls appreaciate wad i give, cos i will be hurt if ppl dun. use them till they spoilt and not dump in a corner till they spoilt. or maybe i jus dun mean enough to such ppl, and my present is jus rubbish yea? haha. maybe if it was someone else, they will treat it like a gift from heaven. haha. this jus shows how much i mean to them.

2005-08-13T13:05:00.000+08:00

bowling is getting better. i am learning how to hook. but the ball doesnt hook alot cos it is not a reactive ball. so i m gonna get my ball after i sell the camera! yay! i m improving though still sucky. equator throw! that is the way to throw it well. haha. thou shall train harder for next yr. since i dun have bball as a cca anymore.

i still miss bball, it is a game that i loved and still love. but i abandoned it so many times already. sighs.

my mum scolded me big big time for cheating yesterday. but i wasnt very pissed or sad. i didnt cry either. i was lil unhappy but i put the issue behind me already. then she apologised this morning for scolding me too harshly and treated me to breakfast. so i m feeling slightly better now. but i do know that this incident will definitely affect my grades cos it is 5% gone. but never mind, i m already too far from my s papers. sighs. i accept my fate and my stupidity to commit such a unnecessary mistake.

i hope i will learn and grow from it. i made tonnes of mistakes already but somehow i m still doing so. i must learn.

2005-08-12T15:06:00.000+08:00

really really bad day. argh.

i cant get the dream out of my head for some stupid reason. it is so bloody irritating.

i was late for school cos of the stupid bus. and my buspass was confiscated.

and i was caught for cheating. and who else didnt not cheat?

jus my luck. argh.

2005-08-11T13:12:00.000+08:00

wad a stupid dream i had yesterday.
it set me thinking about alot of stuff. haha. it is jus so lame. i shall not talk about it too.

i watched bewitched with jiaying on national day. first time not watching national day. but managed to catch a glimpse of the fireworks cos we were at bugis which is quite near padang. but i still dun like this yr's national day. my mum thinks it is a like a children show badly produced. haha. but bewitched is realli nice.. nicer than charlie that is. nicole kidman is so chio with her nose. i think it is jus the comedy romance thingy that makes ppl feel so much better. or to believe that actually true love still exists. (yah rite..) but it is still sweet and nice.

physics test tml and i will jus be so so so dead. haha. but i have somehow decided that i am not gonna work hard towards s papers cos it is lil pressurising and impossible. though i may regret when i see majority of the class taking s papers, i think the effort isnt worth it. cos jc life is much more than that.. ok.. that is jus how i m gonna console myself. but i realli got no no no mood to study at all at this point of time. maybe cos of the truma i m going through. i hope to pass and tt's all.

last wednesday, i cried. but one week later, i m proud to say i m recovering and doing well. though the pain is still tingling, i will be fine. i hope. but my aim is to not let such a situation arise if possible. cos it is too painful.

2005-08-08T20:10:00.000+08:00

i m ten dollars richer but alot more poorer. haha.

got cheated into bringing my bag to school today. we didnt have geog lesson at the end so i actualli didnt need to bring my bag to school. and brought my red korea shirt to school for monghun but she didnt use it at e end. waste my effort to carry so much rubbish to school.

i think i need a new bottle desperately. someone pls take pity on me and buy me one. maybe a nalgene? but i think the someone will end up being me. there is always unknown substance(s) in my bottle for some sickening reason, which i dunno what issit, which makes me unable to drink any water. cos it jus seems so disgusting. and this causes me to be dehyrated. it is jus so irritating that u have a water bottle but u cant drink it. lol.

i am the NE quiz champ with monghun! haha. thanks to minshin that allowed us to memorise the answers beforehand. we knew everything about singapore. we know how many presidents singapore had before, we know wad the 5stars stand for, we know the theme songs and local celebrites, we watch singapore idol too. haha. wad true-blue singaporeans we are. but so wad? but our effort.. we only got rewarded with 10dollars kino vouchor. but i guess it is better than nothing. haha. i guess hc celebration is quite fun too. hc ppl are patriotic too. and PPC got his head shaved for charity. haha. now he has a mohawk. damn cool la. but i think it is damn ugly too. but at least it is in the name of charity. haha.

after school, we followed our seniors to bugis. but end up, we didnt eat or watch movie together at all. but at least 67 had a mini gathering. we ate at yoshi for lunch before watching charlie! but there was only like 9 of us. but actuallie we only bought 7tix. and we somehow managed to sneak zhiwei and monghun in.. they are so lucky, they enjoyed a free movie thanks to us. haha. but this is due to the fact that the usher wasnt doing his job *shakes head* says alot about s'pore service industry i guess. i think charlie is lil disppointing, i thought it will be much more interesting cos it is directed by tim burton plus it is a roald dahl book. but it is still quite good. but desmond, sher, and monghun all fell asleep during the movie. haha. but i guess it is still quite a heartwarming story on family. we should love our family lots and treasure the people around us before it is too late to do any damage control. and this is coming from a person that has been through this so many times. but i think i have learnt my lesson finally.

we went to pig in swenson's after that. we ordered a sundae each. it is sooooooooo sinful. but it is delicious, undeniably good. haha. but can feel the extra pounds on me with every spoonful of it. and i dun realli like chocolate icecream. i like eating chocolates but chocolate icecream is a no no. but i still eat it sometimes. i prefer vanilla. and all the gelato flavours. omg. i should stop thinking about ice cream. this is bad bad bad.

went to kino after that. i realised i havent been reading for a real long time. but yet, the books dun interest me at all. now, alot of the books have alot of explicit content which i m not realli interested in. and i dun enjoy thrillers too. so i didnt end up buying any book. but wasted more than half an hour inside there with jenny, mh, and vivien. hha.

after kino, decided it was time to go home. was realli realli tempted to buy my fried golden mushrooms. but after looking at my wallet and tummy, i decided that it is a bad idea. haha. when taking the bus, i overslept and missed my stop. i ended up at bishan park there. and i saw my bus passing me on the other side of the road, so i decided to walk home. it is such GOOD exercise. it was a 20min walk. haha. i walked past stnicks on my way home. it triggered alot of memories. alot. how stnick have changed. how i have changed. how people have changed. maybe i still prefer the past, but it is time to move on now.. ~~cos u have changed~~.

yay! going supper with my sisters later and watching fireworks too at midnight. will be damn fun and cool. and meeting jiaying tml to watch bewitched. shall go do some work before going out.
i am so guai. HAHAHA :)

2005-08-07T21:56:00.000+08:00

i heard something funny today.
but i am not offended in anyway cos i think it is a ridiculous rumour to start with. i guess you will only believe in such stuff if u dun know me well enough. so heck it.

i was hoping for a belated birthday present but i dun think it will ever come.. so never mind. haha.
and i think s'pore post is damn efficient.

and i am jus gonna cont to slack

2005-08-07T16:50:00.000+08:00

i think i am feeling slightly better today. i think.

but my tummy is definitely feeling worse now. i guess it is the coffee. havent had coffee for such a long time. and now, my tummy is so weak that it cant even take a cup of it. argh. i hate tummy aches.

went swimming with my sister this morning. i barely got a tan. too bad i had tuition after that or not i could have went bowling and pool with her. sighs. this is the restriction u have when ur studies sux. i think i will fail physics again. but i dun feel like caring at all. so i think my s papers are flying away right in front of me. haha.

i wonder why do i go through the same problems as chewyee. maybe that is why we can understand each other very well. i was back in a very familiar place yesterday and it brought back so much memories, painful ones especially. i have been running away from them for so many years. yet it returned again and again. i seriously just wanna move on ~~alone~~, just to leave it behind for good. i thought i have succeeded so many times. but yet at the crucial moment, it returns. i realli hope this will be the last time. cos it is far too overdue already.

shall just concentrate on my studies now. not let anything else distract me again. hope to find my JOY in my books.

mug mug mug.

2005-08-06T22:44:00.000+08:00

i feel worse today. it just keep ringing in my head. cant get it out. argh.

really hope this will end soon so i will feel better and concentrate on my studies/
physics test is coming and i m gonna fail it for sure. have been ponning lessons plus even i go, i dun listen at all. haiz. and i have no bloody mood to study.

tried mugging with chewyee today. i think she was the one mugging and not me, but at let i helped her in her studies. i was supposed to help someone else too, but i dun think she wants my help now too. sighs/

feeling damn sad now. hope the game will cheer me up. shall blog tml instead..

2005-08-05T22:13:00.000+08:00

i am still recovering. argh.

woke up in the morning,
bathed and brush my teeth,
ate breakfast,
took a bus to school,
finished math tutorial,
ate lunch,
slept during phy lecture,
skipped math lecture,
tried to be enthusiastic during econs,
ate ice cream,
went 6th ave to post a letter (sighs),
played badminton,
workout in gym,
had dinner,
cried while watching tv,
surfing net now.

think i did quite alot of stuff today.. but i think it will be a damn long day tml again.

2005-08-04T22:14:00.000+08:00

i dun wanna be stucked anymore in this situation. argh. wonder if i could divert all these energy to studying, i could even beat zhengjie.. haha. that wont be possible. but i havent been studying or doing any homework at all. REALLY REALLY need to get started.. sighs.

went to central lib today. it sux. small collection of books. no tables to study. i think it is a damn waste of money to have such a big underuntilised library. shouldnt they use the money for a better cause instead? wad a govt we have.. hahah. and i went for popular sales. i m such a geek. bought lots of stationary and a pathetic physics guidebook. should have bought more books but my mum was already waiting for me. and the cashier charged me $19.60 more! argh. then i had to wait like an idiot for my refund and jamming e queue behind me. maybe i should go back tml or smth and continue to be a geek. yeah.

i wanna go bowling tml.. i need to get the feel back. hongming was telling me yesterday to bowl with my heart instead my head. i dunno how true this should be but i think i will give it a try. maybe it is not good when you are too logical. u compare too much and end up hesitating and screwing up anything at the end. and i wanna hit e gym again. stupid 2.4km. wad a shitty timing. i need to improve it esp since i m no longer on basketball team or another way of saying, they dun consider me to be on the team anymore. this is how they treat people. HAHA.

trying to sell my camera on ebay. hope to get jus 200bucks so i can buy my bowling ball finally. i dun wanna depend on my mum for the money. the offers for the bowling ball online are so damn worth it but only if u stay in us. argh. shipping fees will cost me like $100? it is jus ridiculous. so now jus hoping that someone will bid for the cam.

i read somebody's blog in the morning today in the fishtank. omg. they make me sound like i m such a.. i dun think i slandered her either. i was merely stating facts. and it is not like i started the gossip or wad. it is u who went around telling people and that i happened to hear about it. i hope i m on the correct issue. whatever u all might say. i dun realli give a damn. say whatever u like about me. gossip for all i care. cos what u are saying will be jus gossips. and not the truth.

i shant waste my time on some ppl. haha.

bad day

2005-08-03T20:12:00.000+08:00

i blew up today.

i thought i was fine, i thought my temper is getting better. like i will just let people criticise me and i dun care nor do i get angry. but i jus couldnt handle today's situation. at the end, i m not as strong as i think i am. i couldnt take it again. i jus broke down. why do i always not get appreaciated by the same person? why issit always my fault? and why you do not care abt how i feel? sighs.

it is like there is so many questions and yet i dun have any answer at all. maybe i shouldnt have turned back. maybe i should have jus cried and went home. maybe i shouldnt broke the pen. maybe i shouldnt raise my voice. maybe it is jus my fault again. i m not gonna blame anyone. it is an expensive mistake.

but i m jus gonna move on.

2005-08-01T22:59:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOY! :)

this is like one of my best birthday ever..haha. though didnt do much today but it was realli enjoyable and different. lots of ppl msged happy birthday, some surprising some stupid one but i thank all for their greetings. haha. although i didnt had a special someone to spend my day with, it was still good cos i had e whole special class to celebrate with me. and it is good! haha.

got a stussy shirt and pouch from the class gers. and nice adidas slippers from my mortal and angel. much less presents than last yr but it is not the presents that matter much. maybe cos it was a weekend before my bdae so managed to slack so many days happily. haha. ate like 3cakes this year. feel so much like a pig but i m a pig!

had 2.4km today. it sux big big big time. never had such a bad timing before and felt like puking seriously after the run. but its ok. i survived it! :) then slacked around in sch, before going town with monghun,yinghong,senghean,desmond and ian. hhaa.. think it is realli hard to shop with guys man.. but girls' shopping is so much fun. haha. stoned around a lil..thinkin of where to go end of e yr as a class. but realli need to find e money before i think of going..

went nydc for dinner. minshin and dawn joined us for dinner. 1st time eating at hereen nydc. it is nice but lil hot.. ate so much.. hahha. and all of them paid for me. i m so touched la. haha. realli happy to have such nice nice nice frens. :)

so though simple, i enjoyed my birthday alot. :)

thanks everyone! -grins-

2005-07-31T22:25:00.000+08:00

the wait is over.
and the pain is in.
moving on incomplete.

but i will enjoy today first.

2005-07-31T16:49:00.000+08:00

this has been a good good weekend.

went shopping at queensway with my mum and sis yesterday. my sis bought new nike shoes and teva sandals. i m freaking jealous of her. but its ok. my shoes are still wear-able. but i think i shld save up for a pair of nike airforce one. wonder when i can afford it. haha. and my pair of birkenstocks! wahhhh. still need to raise money for the bowling ball. and wad if i dun get selected next yr? i will be damn dead and wasted my money. haiz. need to train harder. back to yesterday.. yay! i bought a new nike bra. think it is a new design and it is purple. think it is damn chio! haha. and slightly cheaper than most nike bras that i have bought. heh. and i bought a pair of fbt shorts to try. hopefully they r comfy. but never mind if they are not, cos it is jus 10bucks.

after shopping, went to airport to pick up my auntie. she jus came back from bangkok. i think she bought underwear for me! hahaha. shall collect from her another day. we went to peach garden for dinner. it is freakingly expensive! felt so bad cos i wanted to go one.. sighs. shall just try to save more in future. but the food was realli realli gd. havent eaten such tender beef for a long long time. yum yum. and the wasabi prawns. heavenly man.. hha. this shows how glutton i am. took some photos in e resturant with my phone too but didnt manage to upload them. shall try uploading them later.

today, i went swimming! after so many failed attempts, due to the weather and closure of pool, i succeeded! yay! but didnt tan alot today either. wanted to be a baked lobster but due to time contraint, didnt manage to do so.. never mind. i will try again next week! i bowled 2 games todae, the scores were so horrible that i realli wanted to kill myself. but this feeling was neutralised by the dim sum. but i still feel bad cos i need to improve bloody much. sighs.

i jus finished tuition now.. waiting for dinner to start and after that still got another round of tuition. sighs. but shall look forward to my awfully chocolate cake later. yay! :) wad a pig i am.. delfine is the 1st to gimme a pressie. haha. but if u count wad my mum bought for me.. i think she spent like at least a thousand for my birthday. feel so bad. wahhhhh. everyone is treating me so good yet i m still like.. haiz.

and finally, I FEEL SO STUPID! i blew my only chance. now i understand why there was no reply. sighs. i regret it. but it wont change the situation either. maybe it is jus not meant to be.

one more day..

2005-07-30T10:35:00.000+08:00

i dun like to be shouted at. i dun think i have done anything wrong to be shouted at. argh.

2005-07-29T22:48:00.000+08:00

people dun realli care about my existance but i dun realli care either cos i got myself to care for MYSELF! :)

my birthday is coming. i dun wanna grow up yet though. i dun wanna face exam stress. i still want to be a lil ger. just to run freely with no troubles except the problem of hunger. though i dun wanna fall down and hit my head again. things have changed so much. over the one yr, last yr i was already mugging for o's by my birthday. didnt realli had e time to slow down to think of my birthday too. haiz. every yr is passing so quickly. but if i have to choose, i wil choose to be stucked in that year. cos i think i was happier then. haha. but everything is gone and different now. and i have to learn to stand up and face e world again. i cant hide in my lil corner forever.

had a big big birthday cake today. yum yum! school is getting much. esp my class girls.. all lame and cranky like me! i love them all. most probably celebrating my birthday with them too. cos joy got no date wad.. haha. but i m happy. and i will be too.

i know wad happened. i know wad is wrong. and it is time to move on. thanks alot.

2005-07-28T21:19:00.000+08:00

shuai, cute, chio?
hahaha..

2005-07-28T21:08:00.000+08:00

why are some ppl so bo liao one? finding out about me. telling zibbie to tell me to watch out. but lemme tell u i m not scared? haha. why should not even bother about you? omg. dun waste my time. u are nothing at all. but if i end in hospital or wad, i will sue till ur pants drop. nah.. dun wan that to happen either. think it will be damn disgusting. haha. watch out too. :)

met chewyee today. yay! met michelle yesterday too at junction8. all like promise me presents one but i dun think they will give either one la. they always only say say one. but happy enough this year already with my new phone! :) was teaching chewyee ss and history. all seems so foreign to me now. but will try my best to teach her so she will do well. i think i shld start studying too. haha.

monday monday monday! :)

2005-07-27T21:18:00.000+08:00

i dunno wad i am doing or thinking. i want to be out of this soon. by my birthday, i dun want anymore distractions and jus wanna study hardd for promos.

2005-07-26T21:53:00.000+08:00

i dunno what this is leading to.. we shall see. hhaa

saw liying in orchard today when i was stoning away waiting for tuition to start.. then kanna conned to buy the nydc thing. argh. dun think we will have a chance to eat there too la.. haha. hopefully will have a chance. maybe liying birthday?

today sch ended early but i had geog soc meeting. i shall be committed to geo soc and do my part as vice pres. haha. went for lunch with my class peeps after that at bukit timah. then went to tanglin macs to study but realised that i cant take e boredom of doing homework so i went to borders to read. damn fun la. reading books that i will never buy cos like u can jus finish in 10min.. so i think i finished like 3bks of that kind. and i went to read mags! haha. didnt know cosmo girl is that interesting. much better than all e sg mags la. wahhh.. so tempted to buy but it is like $8? wont pay that kind of money for a mag la.. so was jus standing there reading practically e whole thing. then wanted to go mark and spenser to buy something for my sweet tooth and that was when i saw liying :)

tml will be happening too i hope. i look forward to it! :)

2005-07-25T18:28:00.000+08:00

i miss you.
but i know it is not meant to be.

2005-07-25T18:08:00.000+08:00

"Incomplete" -BSB

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody’s guess

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

I don't mean to drag it on, but I can't seem to let you go
I don't wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

Incomplete

2005-07-24T22:47:00.000+08:00

"Untitled" -simple plan

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight

And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I’ve done
No I can't

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

2005-07-24T13:16:00.000+08:00

i dunno what i am doing is right or wrong. i jus know i m in a dilemma. and this is a situation i dun wish to be in. maybe a clearer ans will help me. simply a yes or no. it is not easy i know.

i was trying to do my work just now. i m realli lagging behind and i still dun understand at all. it all seems so foreign and this is a bad bad sign. sighs. cant i jus get my priorities rite and just study harder? :(

2005-07-23T14:14:00.000+08:00

new phone.
but an ending.

2005-07-23T09:14:00.000+08:00

why are ppl 2-faced?

2005-07-23T08:46:00.000+08:00

i slept like 12hours. haha. came home at about 7pm, straightaway went to sleep and woke up about 7plus this morning. i wanted to sleep more but was lil disturbed by that dream. it seems so real yet so distant. like it is end of the world, with us running for our lives. maybe it seemed more like a nightmare than a dream. cos of it, didnt managed to fall asleep again. went to read e newspaper jus now. i guess my mum wont agree to e phone soon. *sighs. lets jus hope for e best.

my tummy is lil erratic these few days. like on wed, i jus ate only an ice cream cone for lunch and that somehow was ultra filling already. this is very strange as normally i can eat alot and i do enjoy eating alot too. i m having very irregular lunches due to horrible timetables but i dun feel hungry at all. like thurs, no lunch no dinner only a muesli bar in the afternoon, and i survived the whole day w/o a prob. this is very weird. maybe it is something to do with my mood. maybe cos i m troubled too. haha. jus hope my tummy will start to expand again.

why did i sleep so early last night? actually i was supposed to go gym yest but cos my mum was not feeling well. we went to visit my aunt instead. her house looks very nice after renovation, maybe i shld go bunk there a few days during hols. haha. wanted to go shopping after that, but my mum wanted to come home so i went home to sleep. i didnt want to sleep, but i thought i will be too painful to stay awake. so i went off to dreamland. maybe i wanted to runaway. i didnt want to face the problems and issue. neither did i want to study. haiz. this is not a solution. of cos i know that, but wad else can i do? nothing actuallie.

i was supposed to go out today but it may not happen at all. but i think i will still go for my checkup later.

i waited and waited. but it never came. maybe it is never meant to be either. i got a clear answer already and maybe it should just end this way again.

2005-07-21T16:32:00.000+08:00

meeting chewyee later.. i m so excited! haha. so long never see her liao. esp. after she got together with siyin. always abandoning me for her.. so mean one. she got some free tix to some performance that i dun even know and she asked me out only cos siyin couldnt make it la. she is so mean one.. but she is still nice and we have been friends since kindergarten. haha. think she is one of e ver few i still keep contact with. i wonder wad happened to e ppl in my kindergarten class. wonder how they r doing now.. if i meet them again, that will be damn cool la. but i dun think that will be possible. haha.

yesterday went out to support track.. but left at abt 530.. took me more than an hour to get home from cck stadium. still can remember the days that whole of sngs must go down together to national stadium and support the track team. it was like such a big big thing and it was always on a wednesday. i miss those days. hhaa. saw quite a number of juniors yest too. saw quite alot of frens too. guess st nix ppl are still very much bonded to e idea of support track. but too bad we lost. st nick got 2nd for cdiv, missed by 1 bloody pt to sports school. haiz. but at least still champs for bdiv. hwachong got double champ for c and bdiv. but only managed a 2nd and 3rd for adiv. but never mind, next yr come.. hc will thrash all. haha. maybe i m thinkin too much.

i think i m gonna overuse my msgs this month. but could be something good in disguise? haha. i hope so. i have been given a hope. a hope that i dun realli want. i wld rather not have it at all though i may have wanted in the past. this is bad. i dun wanna be stucked in this situation again.*sighs*

i need to start mugging again! no motivation at all now.. but must realli work hard or else no s papers at all. never knew it could be so difficult. each test seems harder than e previous one, each assignment kills me. argh. but at least i feel slightly better today cos i got FULL marks for my physics test! :) haha. 4 other ppl got full marks too, but at least i m e only ger. so wad? i still fail my block test and this test is only worth 2.5% of e final grade and block test is like 20%? i rather pass block instead.. i realli wonder how ppl like sh, zhenjie's brain works. so bloody smart la. i wan their brain. or at least not be so stupid like i am now.. haiz. hopefully physics tuition will make a difference.

joy needs to mug. badly.

but shall go now and meet cy, or not i will be late alr.. haha.

2005-07-20T12:20:00.000+08:00

stoning in e lib now cos i got double period! but this is like only once a week, so it is quite sad la..
today is a slack day and i love slack days man.. haha. later most prob going to support track or stay in sch to help bowling team sell satay. bought a coconut from e soccer team but dun think i m gonna drink it la. my tummy damn terrible now.. ate only a burger for break. stupid tummy. fat and ugly and always sick. feel like killing it soon. so i need not suffer anymore..

need to wait till this weekend b4 i can get my phone cos my dad needs to go down cos the phone is under his name.. dunnno whether to get a 3g phone or wad.. but maybe it shld jus be satisfied with a k750i :) haha.. later i end up like dawn, she stayed up till 4am jus to explore all e functions of her new phone. but i m excited cos a new phone for me always marks a new beginning of alot of stuff. :)

i m still thinking whether expectations are correct or wrong. the higher your expectations, the harder you will fall. i realli dun wish to have any expectation.. i m jus gonna let nature take its course or i think i will be e one suffering at e end. cos who knows everything could jus be a joke. haha. shall not think too much now. jus study harder and harder for now and see wad happens lor..

but quite depressing cos like all of gd frens are attached. darn. feel damn out of place la and they all gonna abandon me for their gf/bfs. but that isnt at all any pressure to get one soon..
i m happy the way i am.

new template!

2005-07-19T23:35:00.000+08:00

hhaa.. think it is lil weird that my blog is so pink.. i think it is weird seriously.. haha. but too lazy to change e colour now.. maybe shall do it another day..
like this template cos the msg is very clear.. i love myself lots. haha.
i feel happier today! :) you made my day so much better.

2005-07-19T17:05:00.000+08:00

i am not gonna fall for the same old damn trap again.
i wanna run away. far away.
never to repeat the same mistake.
but mistakes may be beautiful too..

2005-07-18T23:03:00.000+08:00

i feel sad.
i dun wanna study.
disappointed. pissed. irritated.
lost. abandoned.

2005-07-17T12:29:00.000+08:00

ridiculous.

perhaps this is such an appropriate word to use to desribe my situation now. haha. i still think it is scuh a ironic issue to begin with.

e words 'sorry', 'thank you' etc. arent very hard to say, yet u r not willing to put yourself in other ppl's shoes. believe wad other ppl say. it doesnt realli matter to me cos u never intended to trust me either. u have let go well and long ago, unlike someone is who still relatively stucked. dun percieve that u r always right, cos u dun know that much either. u dun wanna know e truth, for it might hurt more or even heal. haha. based on wad u know and u wanna judge e whole situation... u r too naive but i got nothing to say.

everyone feels pain, not only you. pls dun think u r that great cos i think i have been through and seen more than you. i know when to be mature too. and maybe a break from singapore will do fine.

i do wanna study overseas, and who knows ppl will forget me by the time i m back, but i may be happier cos it will be easier to forget painful memories and start afresh again. yet, the tingling pain will always be there. jus like the pain in my earlobes now. ridiculous once again. haha.

2005-07-12T00:23:00.000+08:00

you are so wrong to think that insults will bring me down. esp if they come from your mouth, u have like said it a zillion times. but maybe if u put it in a nicer way, i will accept it. haha. but no matter wad, i know wad i m doing, i love wad i m doing, and i love myself even more. so dun worrie for me cos i will live happily with ur stupid comments. :)

you better note that i mean wad i say, and i will still do it. nobody is perfect. who knows i will look worse? but at least i tried.

first official entry!

2005-07-11T20:25:00.000+08:00

shall start a new blog.. putting all e bad memories behind me, and hopefully i will bring the happy ones along only. hha. i think i m no longer in denial. put everything down already after so many years. i realli think i was really naive, but i will no longer be. wo chang da le! :) i feel nothing anymore, and that is a gd ending and hopefully a gd start too.

haha. got back blocks today.. damn screwed up. haiz. but never mind, still got promos.. that is wad everyone says. but at least i wont feel that bad.. must continue to jiayou now! :)